The Return

Last Saturday night was my much-anticipated return to PK Park to see the Eugene Emeralds host the Vancouver Canadians. This was my first time to the ballpark since my unceremonious and ungrateful dismissal as an employee of the Emeralds organization. My trepidation at this event was extremely high and my anxiety was also, regrettably, elevated. I thought that it would be an appropriate measure to write about my thoughts on this whole thing on this blog.

In the last two years, I have been fired from two jobs that I absolutely loved. However, this is the first time that I was able to return to the site and see the faces of those individuals who dismissed me and confront my trepidation and anxiety head on. Going back to PK Park would not at all be classified as my ideal baseball road trip, but it is something that had to be done. This was a demon that was hanging over my head since the beginning of my season, and I needed to face it and elicit closure.

The awkwardness began early on as I saw so many of my old co-workers. These were people that I established bonds with and, in some cases, close relationships. Being on the other side of the craziness felt very out of place an unnatural for me. Eight years behind the grill and serving customers made me accustomed to a viewpoint. Now that I am not there, it was like being an outsider.

Interacting with said former co-workers was also difficult. Everyone had asked where I had gone and why I wasn't working for the Emeralds anymore. Normally I am very fluid when speaking with people, but I found that I was very disjointed and apprehensive when talking to them. How do you say, politely, that the organization THEY work for fired YOU? I will admit that I might have come off as vindictive, at times. It was a challenge.

From what I could tell, the grounds crew works the scoreboard now. You hardly saw them and the days of sitting in the bullpen seemed to have vanished as the operators take refuge on the players bench, thus blending in. While watching the game and seeing the movements of the operators, the scoreboard seemed to take on a spirit that was screaming my name yearning for my care and tenderness to return. It was also imploring my fandom and passion for the game to come back to that corner in right field.

The Emeralds won 2-1 on a go-ahead rbi single in the bottom of the eighth.

The return had to happen, and now that it has, I am glad I went back. I went to one Ems game this year, which keeps my foot in the local baseball door. They are no longer my team of choice and I do not follow them anymore. I've pulled up all stakes of allegiance with that organization.

Do I miss working there? Yes, very much so. I loved what I did there and how I did it. I was such an integral part of that organization in the past that by not being there almost feels like a part of me is lost. Like my dismissal from the Peace Corps, I will get over this, but it might take some time.

I'm hoping to save up some money and make a trip up to Tacoma and Seattle in a few weeks. I will let all of you know how that transpires.

Always take on a 3-0 pitch ;)